Obituaries

Hà Nguyệt 王府何明月夫人
B: 1930-09-29
D: 2018-06-09
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Nguyệt 王府何明月夫人, Hà
Emil Fan 范辰遠先生
B: 1937-05-02
D: 2018-06-08
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Fan 范辰遠先生, Emil
King Wong黄府袁琼英夫人
B: 1939-12-25
D: 2018-06-08
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Wong黄府袁琼英夫人, King
Amy Wu 胡府區桂梅夫人
B: 1963-02-12
D: 2018-06-02
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Wu 胡府區桂梅夫人, Amy
Thanh Lo 羅府祝桂清夫人
B: 1927-02-18
D: 2018-06-01
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Lo 羅府祝桂清夫人, Thanh
Qiaozhen Lin 楊府林巧真夫人
B: 1935-02-15
D: 2018-05-30
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Lin 楊府林巧真夫人, Qiaozhen
Zhong Li 李仲深先生
B: 1944-05-06
D: 2018-05-25
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Li 李仲深先生, Zhong
Nguyễn Thể
B: 1953-04-27
D: 2018-05-25
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Thể, Nguyễn
Zixin Zheng 鄭梓欣小姐
B: 1997-09-17
D: 2018-05-15
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Zheng 鄭梓欣小姐, Zixin
Cuiyu Ni 倪府李翠玉夫人
B: 1935-10-04
D: 2018-05-05
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Ni 倪府李翠玉夫人, Cuiyu
Hao Tang 勞府曾琼好夫人
B: 1944-11-17
D: 2018-04-29
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Tang 勞府曾琼好夫人, Hao
Hồ Mạnh
B: 1949-12-02
D: 2018-04-28
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Mạnh, Hồ
Nguyễn Tâm
B: 1957-11-01
D: 2018-04-28
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Tâm, Nguyễn
Lim Iem
B: 1934-05-05
D: 2018-04-26
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Iem , Lim
My Huynh 潘府黄美心夫人
B: 1937-11-17
D: 2018-04-12
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Huynh 潘府黄美心夫人, My
Chih Hung 黄炽基先生
B: 1929-08-04
D: 2018-04-09
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Hung 黄炽基先生, Chih
Wing Siu楊府蕭運友夫人
B: 1925-07-01
D: 2018-04-08
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Siu楊府蕭運友夫人, Wing
Zhongming Chen 陈仲明先生
B: 1981-06-24
D: 2018-04-08
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Chen 陈仲明先生, Zhongming
Kyan Leong 梁長勝先生
B: 1953-07-06
D: 2018-03-25
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Leong 梁長勝先生, Kyan
Mui Chuong 嚴府張素雲夫人
B: 1933-05-02
D: 2018-03-18
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Chuong 嚴府張素雲夫人, Mui
Hoanh Au 馮府欧陽環夫人
B: 1937-07-31
D: 2018-03-15
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Au 馮府欧陽環夫人, Hoanh

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Grieving with Purpose

No one is prepared for grief. The rush of feelings, the thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, when we choose to harness that power for self-growth, amazing things can happen. Good can come from pain.

Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues.

Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:

  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To process the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased
  4. To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life

Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not a straight one.

Dealing with grief is hard work. It takes both courage and hard work to successfully adapt to the loss of a significant person in your life.

Six Signposts Along Your Journey

Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate posttraumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "posttraumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."

Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:

  • You are not on your own
  • Trauma is a normal and natural process
  • Growth is a journey

He also provides a fundamental rule: don't do anything you might not be able to handle now. "If you experience intense emotions, become physically upset, or begin to panic...stop." He gently reminds readers that "having a sense of personal control over your recovery is important. There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change."

Sign Post #1: Taking Stock
Are you physically well? Are you getting enough sleep and eating the right foods for optimum health? Have you received the kind of medical, legal, or psychological help you need? What is your current condition: physically, spiritually, and emotionally?

Sign Post #2: Harvesting Hope
People traumatized by loss often feel hopeless. It's hard to get up in the mourning and thinking about the future sparks pessimism and negativity. Find inspiration in the stories of personal growth written by others; set goals and practice hope as you set out to achieve them.

Sign Post #3: Re-Authoring
Learn to tell your story differently. Take the victim mentality out of the story of loss you tell yourself and others and replace it with the word survivor to return to a sense of control over your life.

Sign Post #4: Identifying Change
Keeping a daily diary can help you to see the small changes within more easily. You can also track those moments when you feel at your best and identify the conditions that brought them about. Identify and nurture the positive changes in your life throughout your bereavement journey.

Sign Post #5: Valuing Change
Review these changes, identifying the ones that you'd like to continue to nurture. Personal transformation requires it. Growth is encouraged when we take time to think about what we have gained from loved ones and when we find a way to use what we have learned to give to others.

Sign Post #6: Expressing Change in Action
Express your growth in new behaviors or, more simply, put your growth into action. When you think in terms of concrete actions, it helps make the growth experienced within your bereavement real to you.

"By focusing on these six signposts," writes Dr. Joseph, "you will find that your posttraumatic growth is beginning to take root."

Sources: 
Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metaphyschology and Other Works.
Worden, James. Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner

Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth