Obituaries

Nham Tran余府陳吟梅夫人
B: 1930-01-10
D: 2018-12-07
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Tran余府陳吟梅夫人, Nham
Shou Mo莫寿敖先生
B: 1940-05-25
D: 2018-12-06
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Mo莫寿敖先生, Shou
Seang Chan 曾国祥先生
B: 1935-01-14
D: 2018-12-01
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Chan 曾国祥先生, Seang
Tieu Au 區肖慈夫人
B: 1952-05-13
D: 2018-11-25
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Au 區肖慈夫人, Tieu
Jiao Wang 蕭府王娇英夫人
B: 1935-05-14
D: 2018-11-18
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Wang 蕭府王娇英夫人, Jiao
Kai Wong黄啟安先生
B: 1957-04-06
D: 2018-11-11
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Wong黄啟安先生, Kai
Kit Law 羅傑歡先生
B: 1925-02-25
D: 2018-11-03
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Law 羅傑歡先生, Kit
Yuanjie Ye 叶元杰先生
B: 1950-11-20
D: 2018-11-03
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Ye 叶元杰先生, Yuanjie
Kenny Dai 戴健利先生
B: 1948-01-27
D: 2018-10-25
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Dai 戴健利先生, Kenny
Mui Van 吳府溫二妹夫人
B: 1936-06-05
D: 2018-10-22
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Van 吳府溫二妹夫人, Mui
Pogman Lai 黎博文先生
B: 1934-03-12
D: 2018-10-22
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Lai 黎博文先生, Pogman
Rong Chang 張荣国先生
B: 1920-04-01
D: 2018-10-19
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Chang 張荣国先生, Rong
Wang Chan陳华勳先生
B: 1957-08-02
D: 2018-10-17
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Chan陳华勳先生, Wang
JIncheng Li 李金成先生
B: 1981-08-02
D: 2018-10-14
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Li 李金成先生, JIncheng
Yok Leung 李府梁若薇夫人
B: 1931-07-17
D: 2018-10-08
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Leung 李府梁若薇夫人, Yok
Ying Liu 陳府刘颖瑜夫人
B: 1958-03-07
D: 2018-10-05
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Liu 陳府刘颖瑜夫人, Ying
Wu Huang 黄武洪先生
B: 1941-06-06
D: 2018-10-04
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Huang 黄武洪先生, Wu
Binh Du 何府刘鳳萍夫人
B: 1951-08-18
D: 2018-09-28
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Du 何府刘鳳萍夫人, Binh
Degui Li 李德桂先生
B: 1946-06-20
D: 2018-09-28
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Li 李德桂先生, Degui
Jun Huang 黄均先生
B: 1933-08-16
D: 2018-09-27
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Huang 黄均先生, Jun
Chang Ye 周府葉長嬌夫人
B: 1921-10-19
D: 2018-09-23
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Ye 周府葉長嬌夫人, Chang

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Ending Denial and Finding Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first task in your bereavement. Dr. James Worden writes that we must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return."

This is where a funeral can be very important. Traditionally, the casketed body of the deceased is at the front of the room and guests are invited to step up to personally say their goodbyes. Part of stepping up means seeing with our own eyes that death has actually occurred and that actualizing is an essential part of coming to accept the death. Yet, the tradition of viewing has eroded over time with many families today choosing cremation and opting to hold a memorial service after the cremation has taken place. The focal point of the ceremony becomes the cremation urn, holding the cremated remains or ashes out-of-sight and making the reality of the death less evident and the road to acceptance less clearly marked.

Acceptance May Seem Out-of-Reach

For many, acceptance means agreeing to reality. Most of us, when we lose someone dear to us, simply don't want to agree to it; we actually have an aversion to agreeing and accepting. So, let's use a different word - try adjustment, or integration. Both words focus on the purposeful release of disbelief. Someone who has integrated the death of a loved one into their life has cleared the path to creating a new life; a pro-active life where a loved one's memory is held dear, perhaps as a motivating force for change.

It does take time. In Coping with the Loss of a Loved One, the American Cancer Society cautions readers that "acceptance does not happen overnight. It’s common for it to take a year or longer to resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death. In time, the person should be able to reclaim the emotional energy that was invested in the relationship with the deceased, and use it in other relationships." 

Whatever you call it, this essential part of mourning is what allows us to live fully again. It allows us to step out of the darkness of mere existence and back into the sunshine where life is sweet again. Of course, it's a very different life than the one you had before your loved one died.

Sources:
Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.

American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012